


Spiral

by DarkJediQueen



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Fake Dating, Happy Ending, M/M, Mistaken Relationship, canon minor character death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-29
Updated: 2019-03-29
Packaged: 2019-12-26 08:20:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18279404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkJediQueen/pseuds/DarkJediQueen
Summary: When the FBI tries to become proactive, it's not until the whole we accept gays campaign has started that it's found out that they poster gay couple is not, in fact, a gay couple. It sets something into motion that spirals out of control, except it might not be a bad thing.





	Spiral

**Author's Note:**

> **Year** : Season Seven  
>  **Spoilers** : Up Through Season Eight  
>  **Notes** : None  
>  **Beta** : Grammarly

"Uh, Hotch," Morgan said from the second side of the triangle billboard that was in the middle of the college campus. Hotch and Spencer had the other two sides. 

"Yes?" Hotch sounded half distracted, and it was normal given that he was reading ads on the board. 

"Did you know that the FBI was doing a silent campaign to pull in gay men?" Morgan's voice sounded odd, and Spencer leaned over to look at him. Morgan was staring at a poster. The steps of Hotch's shoes was heavy on the concrete as he walked into view.

"I saw something about it and heard one of the people in marketing talking about the fact that they had the perfect couple since the fraternization rules were lax. Why?"

"Because I'm looking at the poster for the out and proud gay couple of the FBI and...well. Congratulations?" Morgan looked at Hotch first before he looked at Spencer. 

"Why would you say that?" Spencer asked as he stepped fully around the corner of the display board and found the paper that Morgan's eyes were glued to. 

Spencer's eyes always took things in as a whole, and it was hard to break it down. The poster was well done and simple, but the stance was something to be desired. It was evident to Spencer that it had been manipulated because he knew the outfit that he was wearing in that picture and it was from a recruiting seminar that Spencer had done with Morgan eight months before. An FBI photographer had been the one to take it as well as several others over the weekend-long outing. It had been part of a media stunt to give the FBI good press. The picture of Hotch though was impossible to trace because Spencer had never seen him in that outfit before. 

Whoever had manipulated the image did damned good because Spencer couldn't tell from looking at it that it was faked. Spencer just couldn't understand why it had been faked. Hell, he couldn't understand how anyone would think that Spencer and Hotch were a couple. Hotch was the ultimate straight man. Hell, he hadn't even looked at men that time that Garcia and Prentiss had got into a game of guessing what men were wearing under their clothes. Hotch had just sat between them and drank. The rest of the team had just laughed at the drunken antics of the two women. 

Spencer's own sexuality was harder to pin down and yet easier at the same time. Spencer didn't care about the package, male, female, or anything in between that was covered in the gender spectrum. Spencer cared about the brain. It wasn't just IQ that attracted him but how the brain was used and how caring the person was. There were quite a few geniuses that made Spence cringe when he thought about them and a few hidden geniuses that made Spencer pant after them. The ability to keep up with him was paramount. 

"I think that some wires got crossed because I was never asked to use my image for a media campaign and I would have made sure that they knew that I was not in a relationship with anyone much less one of my team," Hotch said. The tone was businesslike, Hotch-like and there was nothing in it that showed disgust. 

"I wasn't asked either," Spencer said. 

"Really, that's all either one of you is going to say?" Morgan asked.

"I'll handle it when we get back to DC," Hotch said before going back to his side of the display board. Spencer looked at the poster one more time before he did the same. There was nothing that could be done about it right then, and it wasn't like anything would come of throwing a fit. Spencer started to let his eyes flow over the board again, but he found nothing that fit the profile of their three victims. Spencer could feel Morgan looking at him on occasion, but that was it. Morgan said nothing else. 

* * *

Spencer was seated at his desk working on a cold case file when he saw a man and two women stride into the bullpen. Spencer had never seen them before, but their badges put them as FBI agents. The agents didn't stop but instead went right up to Hotch's office. Spencer frowned because they kind of reminded Spencer of lawyers. Three of them invading Hotch's office was never good.

"What's that about?" Prentiss asked as she leaned closer to Spencer. 

"Unsure," Spencer uttered. He watched out of the corner of his eye as Hotch stood up and shook all three of their hands before waving them toward the couch at the back of the office. Hotch followed and stopped in the doorway, his eyes going over the whole of the bullpen before landing on Spencer. 

"Reid, join us, please. You might want a fresh cup of coffee." 

Spencer nodded, grabbing his almost empty cup of coffee before walking to the kitchenette and getting fresh coffee for him with just a little sugar in it and a black cup of coffee for Hotch. It had been hours since Hotch had got some. Spencer carried them both up the stairs and handed Hotch his as soon as he stepped into the office. Hotch shut the door behind Spencer and directed him toward the chair. Spencer took the seat, sipping his coffee as he looked at the lawyers. Nothing was said as one of the women was looking through a file. Spencer frowned as the man's badge he was finally able to be read. He was not a lawyer as Spencer thought but from HR. The woman in the middle wasn't a lawyer either, but it seemed from the media department. 

Hotch sat down on the arm of the chair that Spencer was sitting in and Spencer watched him take a sip of his coffee.

"Agents Hotchner, Reid," the woman who had been looking through the file said as she finally pulled out a piece of paper. 

"You've known me for years, Caroline, Aaron is fine," Hotch said. 

"Aaron, so this was a giant mess."

"Excuse me, what's a giant mess?" Spencer asked because he had no clue why he was in on this.

"How the two of you became the FBI's poster gay couple."

"Oh," Spencer said. He frowned because he had kind of forgot about it. The image had gone from his mind, and he had been so focused on the case and then coming home that the fact that people thought that he and Hotch were a couple had slipped from his mind. "I forgot about that."

"You forgot?" Caroline asked. 

"It didn't really impact me. I'm used to the assumption that because I am geeky and lithe that I am gay. No one has approached me about it within the FBI or pointed at me on the streets and saying I am in a relationship with my direct supervisor. It's not impacted my day to day life, so I kind of forgot."

Hotch chuckled as he leaned back to rest on the back of Spencer's chair. It was strange to do it in the office, but on the jet, Hotch usually sat on the arm of the couch that was there when Spencer was sitting there. 

"We will get back to that. The campaign was fully launched a month and a half ago. It's fully entrenched now at campuses across the country."

"And?" Hotch asked.

Spencer hummed his agreement because it sounded like there was a but coming at the end of Caroline's words.

The man from HR cleared his throat. "We are worried about the impact that it will have if we pull the campaign. We have nothing ready to stick in its place, and we don't want the backlash of people thinking we are pulling it because we changed our mind."

"The Bureau also doesn't want to admit that it did something this massive and admit it was a mistake either do they?" Hotch asked.

"No," Caroline said. 

"However, there is more to it than that," the last woman said. Spencer looked at her badge, her name as Josie. "The media has caught onto this as of about seven hours ago. I guess someone who knew one of you remarked online about it and it's blown up from there. It's grown rather large, and by the time that someone within the FBI had found it, there was no controlling it." 

"What exactly does that mean?" Hotch asked. 

Spencer wanted to know that as well. He assumed he knew what it meant, but he wanted to be sure. Because what it sounded like was that it was more than just a poster on college campuses around the country. It seemed like it was some kind of Internet sensation story.

"Three different LGBT websites have pushed out stories about it. We have figured out that it's been picked up by one major news source with more to follow; I am sure."

"You mean that instead of just having a set of posters around colleges, the news has now picked up that supposedly Reid and I are a couple?" 

"Yes."

"And the only reason that you three are here is to have us keep up the illusion in some way isn't it?" Spencer asked. He could tell that the three of them didn't want to be there. They didn't want to be talking to them. Spencer understood that. Hotch was scary as it was but to have to ask him to do what they wanted them to do. 

"Yes."

"Hmm," Hotch said. 

Spencer didn't dare look up at him. He didn't want to see whatever look was on Hotch's face because he wasn't sure what he was thinking himself. Spencer had never had a real relationship. He'd never found someone that he wanted to spend that much time with that actually liked him back. Hotch had been married to his high school sweetheart before their divorce. It had been painful, and Spencer wouldn't wish that on his worst enemy. He was out of his depth because there was no way that anyone would ever think that he could fake being in a relationship.

"What are they offering?" Hotch asked. 

"Hotch?" Spencer asked as he finally looked up at the older man. 

Hotch looked down at him, but his eyes were soft, the same soft look Spencer had got for years. 

"I've been asking for a lot of things lately and getting them turned down. I'm wondering exactly what this is worth to the brass. I would also like to know exactly how long are we supposed to play act at this and exactly what kind of play-acting does it entail?"

"Umm..." Caroline looked at Josie. 

"Seven weeks," the man said. 

"Seven weeks of dates in public? Kissing in the locker room? What exactly?"

"That was left up to you," Caroline said. 

"And in exchange?" Hotch asked.

"Three of the five things you have asked for, up to you which three you get for the whole of the BAU and Doctor Reid, no one could figure out what you would actually want so it was left up to you to decide."

Spencer turned and looked at Hotch. Hotch raised an eyebrow. "The other two things? The unit needs them?"

"Yes. Ideally, we need all five to keep up with the UnSubs we hunt."

"All five things," Spencer said. 

"We will have to go back and talk our bosses. One hour?" Caroline asked as she stood up. 

"We will be right here, talking amongst ourselves."

It was silent as the trio walked out, pulling the door shut behind them. 

"I wasn't expecting that," Hotch said. 

"No. Are you being serious?" Spencer asked. He turned in the seat to where he could look up at Hotch without turning his neck. Hotch turned a little to face him better. His face was serious, but he wasn't exactly sure that he was reading Hotch right at the moment. 

"I am being very serious. I knew that they would want something from us in the way of not having to own up to the fact that they did, in fact, use us without permission or without confirming the fact that we were a couple. I figured that we would sign a waiver that we would have to say no comment about the relationship and keep it going under wraps. I was not expecting them to want us to be overt about it."

"You would have to be moved off of doing my evaluations, it's a little bit of legal jumble, but I guess in the long run it makes them look better?" Spencer shrugged. The way that they were sitting wasn't exactly typical for most people, but Spencer realized that Hotch usually sat near him. He hadn't ever noticed it before. 

"Which I wouldn't say no to getting rid of some of my paperwork. You agreed pretty quick."

"The team needs things, the unit does."

"And your personal life or a fake personal life is not a sacrifice you should make just for that."

"I'm happy with everything that I have. Do I want more money? Yes but I seriously doubted they would give me a raise. They went after your weak point which everyone knows is the team. Me, no one is going to question me in this but you...you have a better reputation than me. I'm shocked you are willing to tarnish it."

"Tarnish it how? Dave's already set the precedent that the BAU is its own little world. No one is going to be shocked by the fact that I am dating anyone on my team. There are enough rumors that go around at the current about me dating each of you. Even Morgan."

"How have I missed that?" Spencer asked.

"Because you are usually eye deep in a book and when you are reading for pleasure and sometimes for work you turn off your ears, or that's what Morgan calls it."

"Oh." Spencer felt a blush creeping up his neck at that. He did get a little lost in his own world sometimes. 

"Seven weeks of dating a man with three PhDs and several BAs who is a catch isn't exactly a hardship." Hotch's face was straight as he said it, but there was a warmth to his tone that Spencer had never heard before. 

"How would we..." Spencer thrust his hand out toward the bullpen. 

"I am assuming that our direct team would know the truth and really it's not like they want us lip-locking in the kitchen. We are both very private so a few dinners out when we can."

"But that's...actually." Spencer shut his mouth because the words weren't coming. That sounded like actual dating, not fake dating. Though to be honest, Spencer had no clue what fake dating looked like. He thought about asking JJ because she talked about movies where people fake dated before. While Spencer didn't want the actual movies taking up space in his brain may be a rundown from her would work. 

"We already try and do a meal out a week with Jack, I see no reason to change that. No one would expect me to date without my son knowing about it. He's not exactly gossipy, and to him, nothing would have to change. We can make sure to get a photo op on each case. Something small and cute like brushing your cheek with my hand or kissing your forehead. Anything more would be too out of character for me. Though I'm sure that anything out of character would be explained by your influence on me. Maybe we can change the sleeping rotation to where it's just you and I sharing a room, even when we have the budget to get individual rooms. There are a million little things we can do that will have no impact on our actual lives or after we 'break' up."

"You seem to have put a lot of thought into this."

"Well, I figured something like this would happen. I mean they weren't going to post a retraction. So I planned."

"You like plans." Spencer smiled at him and relaxed a little more. So far what Hotch was putting forth wouldn't be that bad. It seemed close to what they were already doing without having to do anything really that extra. Which also pointed out to Spencer why anyone thought that they were already dating. "So if it's not that hard to fake date, compared to what we are doing, you know that it's why they think we are already dating right?"

"Well, the fact that we are friends doing what friends do means that they just want to see us as dating. Two women doing what we are doing might not be seen that way. A male and a female probably would. It just goes to their mindset that people can't be friends."

"Yeah. So what are you going to tell Jack if someone says something in front of him?" 

"I thought that you and I could discuss that tonight over dinner. Jessica is already planning on a pizza night with Jack. When we thought the case was going to take longer than it did, she had filled up their nights. Jessica offered to have me join, but Jack was looking forward to a him and Jessica night."

"Already being pushed aside for a girl huh?" Spencer asked with a smile. 

Hotch just grinned at him as the door to the office opened again. This time it was just Caroline coming into the room with a massive stack of paperwork. Spencer groaned. It looked like those above had accepted it, but that meant that all of that paperwork had to be filled out.

"Okay, so before we get into this. The Director has said that as far as everyone except your team and your direct family is to understand you, two are dating and will date for at least seven weeks before having a breakup. While he would like that the fake breakup does not happen on a case if it's the only public venue that it can happen at he will understand as long as it doesn't affect the case."

"Why would we need to break up publicly?" Spencer asked.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, it's not like Hotch declared his undying love on a case. So I would think that one of us just going on a public date with someone else would do it. We are both very private people so really a big display on a case is more out of the normal than anything else. A date at the right location with cameras and whatnot and we have a huge story about said breakup. I know that press is going to ask on cases and it can be handled easily."

"To that end, Agent Jareau has already stated that she does not want to go back to being a media liaison for the BAU."

"No, she does not. I have another agent willing to step in, and he'll join us for whatever case comes up."

"He will have to speak to the media office here as soon as possible."

"Agent Anderson is on site today, and I will send him over as soon as I talk to him."

"Anderson is joining the team?"

"The Director is unwilling to force JJ from the unit, and I have made a good case for needed a media liaison on the team. So it was one of the five things that I wanted. So we will become an eight-man unit if we count Garcia. Which this will also free up more time for myself to actually seem like I have a personal life."

"I have the contracts drawn up here that will state what the FBI will expect from you as well as out clauses and the ramifications. The FBI can terminate this agreement at any point for any reason; however, we cannot take back what was granted. Meaning if this backfires, you won't lose any of the five things you have already got from the FBI."

"Hand them over Caroline. I know legal speak."

"If you want I can leave and let you discuss it all with Doctor Reid."

"Doctor Reid also understands legal speak. His father was a lawyer, and the last time that I got new law manuals, he read them over before I could. He could probably sit a bar exam and pass with no classwork or time."

Caroline looked at Spencer with thinly veiled shock on her face. Spencer felt kind of smug about that he liked being able to shock people with what he could do. Hotch had taught him over the years to be proud of what he could do and what he had done. Even if it was all genetic, he was doing something with his life and with his brain. 

Hotch chuckled and held out his hand for the paperwork. Caroline passed over Hotch's and then Spencer's. It was a lot of reading, but at least it wouldn't take long for Spencer to read it. 

* * *

Spencer looked at his phone for the third time. Hotch had messaged and said that his meetings were running late, but Spencer hadn't heard from him since, and he was fifteen minutes later than the time that he said he was going to be there. Spencer looked at his messenger bag and tried to ignore the call of the book that he had in there, but it was too much. Spencer set down his phone and dug out his book.

"You ready to order or were you going to wait?" the waitress asked as she stepped up to the table just as Spencer cracked his book open. 

Spencer opened his mouth to speak, but the look that she was giving him was something that Spencer had never seen before. It took a few minutes for him to process that she thought he was being stood up on a date. Spencer swallowed and started to open his mouth to tell her that it was just his boss and that it wasn't a date when he remembered that yeah it kind of was a date and that he needed to not say that because they were necessary to sell that it was a date and not the first date but something they were used to. Even if the chance of them getting seen by anyone, who would actually know who the hell they were and want to spread the word that they found them on a date was slim. 

"No, I'm going to wait for my partner to come. He's just late getting out of work. You know the type right?" Spencer asked with a grin on his face. 

"Yeah, mine's a workaholic as well. Just let me know if you decide to eat an appetizer without them."

"Sure will." Spencer looked down at his book and flipped through to find the last page he had been reading on when he had to stop on his lunch break. Doing something ordinary like reading while waiting was something that someone did while waiting for their significant other wasn't it? Spencer questioned to himself. He wasn't sure, and it made him frown. He really needed to talk to someone who wasn't on the team on exactly what kind of things he should or shouldn't be doing. He didn't want anyone on the team to give him wrong information to be funny to see him or Hotch react to it. 

"Sorry, I'm late," Hotch said, and then Spencer felt a kiss being pressed to his cheek. Spencer tried to fight the blush that was creeping up his face, but he wasn't unable to. Hotch took the step across from him, grabbing a napkin and spreading it over his leg after cross it over his other. It was a normal position for Hotch when he was at a table and not eating yet. 

"It's fine. I had something to entertain myself," Spencer said as he held up the book for a second before leaning over to put it into his bag. When Spencer was up again, Hotch had the menu open, but it was laid on the table in front of him instead of propped up. Spencer had already looked over the menu and figured out what he wanted to eat. Hotch ordered certain things at certain places when they were out on cases, but the places that they usually went to with Jack were more kid-friendly and not date like places like this was. Spencer didn't know what was proper to order when on a date so he had opted for standard fare. Steak with fried potatoes and the daily vegetable. 

"So what do you think I'm going to order?" Hotch asked, a grin on his face. 

Spencer opened his mouth to say that he didn't know what Hotch would order when he saw the playful look in the man's eyes. Spencer opened up his closed menu and started to look at it. When he looked through the menu, and nothing jumped out at him, he looked back up at Hotch. The man had his poker face on so Spencer glared at him. Spencer closed his eyes to think back to the daily special sign. He recalled it and grinned. He remembered thinking that it sounded good, but he wasn't in the mood for pasta.

"Tortelli, shrimp with alfredo sauce and just a little bit of pesto. All the vegetables except for the artichoke hearts and onions if they are white. If they are the red ones, you'll get them. No to the breadstick that comes with but a swap to the garlic bread instead." Spencer grabbed his water and took a drink before closing the menu and setting it aside. "What am I going to get?"

"Well, there are a lot of things on the menu that you like. I doubt though that you've ever got bold enough to try the chicken fried lobster as you probably don't want it to ever be better than Binion's where you got it with your mom or be so bad that you couldn't eat it. So you'll settle for something else. I know that you aren't as sheltered as Morgan and JJ would either like you to be or as they really see you to be, but I know that dating isn't really something you have done before so you'll probably go for something simple. I saw that the daily vegetable was grilled squash and zucchini and I know that you like those, so it'll be one of your sides. Your second will probably be either the mashed potatoes or fried ones, I can't pick on that as I see you get both just about equally. And steak." 

Spencer grabbed his roll of silverware and unrolled it, laying his napkin on his lap but not crossing his legs like Hotch had done. He hadn't actually thought that Hotch would get anything close to correct. It wasn't that he thought Hotch would read him wrong just that he hadn't thought that Hotch ever paid that much attention to him. Hotch had friends outside of work, and even Rossi was a close friend. Spencer figured that their friendship was more out of Hotch not wanting to upset him and that Jack really did like Spencer. Spencer kind of felt like Hotch tolerated Spencer to keep Jack happy, and everyone knew that Hotch would do anything for his son. Spencer had debated trying to step back, but Jack would just call him or steal his father's phone to text, so Spencer had stopped doing that. 

"So?" Hotch asked after nearly two minutes of silence.

"Yes to the vegetable and the steak. Fried potatoes because I do like them better than mashed I just don't always trust other places to make them good enough. I saw some go out earlier and they look awesome." 

Spencer risked looking up at Hotch to see that he looked proud of himself which kind of shocked Spencer as why would he feel proud about guessing Spencer's meal right? Before Spencer's mind could take that too far, the waitress came to take their order. 

"And a bottle of whatever will go well with both of our meals, please," Hotch said as he finished ordering his food. 

"Um, Hotch?" Spencer asked. 

"You said earlier that you were going to take the bus after you got home and changed. I took a cab, and I figured that we could get a cab back to my place."

"I didn't exactly bring a go-bag," Spencer said a little shocked. 

"I grabbed the spare one that you keep under your desk. Since this is going to be like we are just outing an existing relationship I thought that maybe we could at least make it seem like you spent the weekend by me taking you into work in the morning."

"We both arrive before everyone else in the unit gets there. It's not like we are going to walk into a bullpen full of people."

"No, but security talks. I'm sure that this started with that week that I did bring you into work or that few days where you stayed over when they were taking care of the mice in the walls because of that one person on the top floor." 

The waitress came back with a bottle of wine in a bucket as well as two glasses. She poured them both a drink and then left the bucket behind. Spencer was half tempted to drain that glass and then maybe the bottle. He wasn't sure why he would actually need to stay the weekend to make people think that he had stayed the weekend. He figured that Hotch picking him up from work that morning would do the trick. 

"There also might be the fact that Jack has a science fair project that he decided to enter at the last moment going on and I have no clue what I am doing. Who knew that science fair projects for six years old were so cutthroat. We have a book of experiments that we are going through, and he refuses to pick one without talking to you. You were out of town last weekend and the case kind of put it out of my mind on Monday."

"Ah, had. You want childcare labor from me all weekend."

"Hey, I'll feed you and give you a place to sleep. I might even make that tiramisu cake that you like if you promise to stay the whole weekend to help Jack." 

Spencer narrowed his eyes at Hotch and acted like he was thinking about it. Jack wanted his help, and that was enough reason, and maybe with Jack keeping him occupied all weekend, Spencer could forget about the fact that he was going to have to be publicly dating his boss for the next seven weeks. 

* * *

Spencer laughed and tried to keep his feet under himself, but he was unable to. Strong arms caught him, and Spencer tipped his head up to look at his boss. Hotch was smiling down at him like he was really fond of Spencer. Spencer tried to right himself, but Hotch had to help him with that as well. 

"Hi," Spencer said. 

"Hello, Spencer." 

"You finally got here!"

"I did finally get here, and it seems that Morgan has been having you drink weird cocktails again," Hotch said. The way that he said the word again made Spencer giggle. 

Spencer knew that he only giggled when he was drunk, but he was feeling too good to really care about it. Morgan had been giving him drinks that had weird names, but Spencer wasn't going to repeat those in front of Hotch. 

"Reid, here is your Cock Sucking Cowboy!" Morgan said as he wandered over to where Spencer had been dancing alone since Morgan and Prentiss had left him to go get another round of drinks. Spencer was in eyeshot of the table that the BAU team had commandeered. Anderson was watching the drinks left on the tables as he refused to dance. Spencer though had decided to let loose and drink and dance until he dropped. 

"SHHHH!" Spencer said very loudly to Morgan, but he let go of where he was holding onto Hotch to take hold of the drink.

"Why do I have to be quiet?" Morgan asked, and he winked at Hotch. "It's not like he doesn't already know that." 

Even with all of the alcohol in his system, Spencer felt himself start to blush. There was more than just the BAU team in the club as it had been taken over by most of the violent crimes divisions from Quantico and from DC. There were a lot of people, and Spencer knew that many of them had been upset that Hotch hadn't been with the team. A few had wanted to see Hotch with his boyfriend. It had been five weeks of fake dating so far, and Spencer found that he liked fake dating to real dating. At least he knew that he didn't have to kiss or put out with fake dating. 

"Come on, Spencer. Why don't we go sit down, and you can drink your Cowboy in peace." Hotch took the drink from Spencer's hand as he tried to raise it up to drink it before he wrapped his other arm around Spencer and directed him back to the table. 

"Sir, Spencer told me to cut him off at seven drinks, and that is his seventh," Anderson said as soon as Spencer plopped into the seat that wrapped around the back of the table. Hotch slide in beside him, getting closer than Spencer was used to. They always sat across from each other on their public dates, even if for some reason they were on a double date with JJ and Will, which had been really odd the one time that they did it. 

"Thank you, Anderson," Hotch said, and he lifted up Spencer's drink to take a sip. Hotch made a really funny face, and Spencer couldn't help but break into giggles at it. Spencer took the glass from him and took a sip and made a face because it was nasty. 

"Finally found on that he doesn't like. Good. Now it's my turn," Prentiss said as she got up from where she had been seated at the end of the table. Spencer set his drink down and shoved it really far away from him. Hotch picked up the beer that had been gotten for him. Spencer remembered Prentiss saying something about beer. 

"What's been going on?" Hotch asked.

"Morgan bet Prentiss that he could find seven drinks with sexual names that Spencer would like. He lost with that one. Spencer really liked the other six. I think maybe Morgan thought that with him as plastered as he is he would drink it and not really care about the taste. Obviously, he was wrong." 

Before Spencer could actually name the drinks that Morgan had got him, Prentiss was returning with a red shaded drink. It wasn't lurid like the other colors had been on some of them. Spencer held his hand out, but Hotch took it first, taking a sip. He didn't make a face that time, and so when he handed it over, Spencer took a larger sip of it. It was delicious compared to the other one. 

"What's that one?" Hotch asked.

"Red Headed Slut," Prentiss said with a grin. 

Spencer almost spit out what he had of the drink in his mouth. He felt a little leak out of his mouth and reached for a napkin, but he nearly knocked them off. Instead, he felt Hotch dabbing at his lips with one instead. Spencer tried to take the napkin away, but Hotch wasn't giving it up. 

"You focus on drinking. And you, try not to kill my boyfriend," Hotch said, and his tone was sharp, but the smile that was on his face was pleased. It was at odds with Hotch usually was at work. Hotch pulled his hand away from Spencer's face and instead turned to look out on the dance floor where there were a lot of people. His other arm went up to the back of the bench seat and then carefully settled on Spencer's shoulders. Spencer felt the tips of his fingers tracing nonsense patterns into his skin. 

Spencer sipped at his drink, feeling the alcohol slowly slide from his system. Hotch plied him with water as well, two bottles before Spencer was done with his drink from Prentiss. The team and other people from other teams wandered to and from the table, talking for a little before going back out to dance. When the sleepiness from the drinks started to take over, Spencer laid his head on Hotch's shoulder and closed his eyes. 

"I didn't realize that you got this cuddly when drinking," Hotch whispered into Spencer's ear.

Spencer shrugged. He usually didn't let himself get this drunk when they were out, but he was tired of the ragging he was getting from other people who were not on their team, and this was a night out for a lot of those people, so he had taken the challenge from Morgan when it was offered. 

"What's wrong?" Hotch asked.

"Nothing," Spencer said and really there wasn't anything wrong. He was just very worn out from work and people digging into his social life in a way that it had never been done before. No one but the team had ever cared what he did on the weekends or didn't do as the case usually was. Now people that Spencer worked with that he had never talked to were stopping him to chat and trying to get information. Spencer had been stopped in his coffee shop close to home at least once a week by someone who was looking to write an article on him and Hotch. Spencer had gone to Caroline about the papers he had signed and wanting to amend his to tell his mom's doctor at Bennington because while most of the time his mom remembered what he had written her that it was a PR stunt. There were times that she forgot and having someone there who knew and could talk to her was good. Caroline had gone one step further, and the two of them had flown, commercial, to Vegas to speak to his mom about it and Dr. Norman. 

Spencer felt a tug on his arm, and he jerked it away. He was content where he was. Instead, he tried to burrow down into Hotch more and get comfortable enough to where he could sleep. The tug on his arm came back, but this time he was unable to get his arm away. Hotch kept pulling until Spencer was sitting on his lap, the table digging into his back. Spencer heard a few catcalls and ignored them. 

"Spencer, if someone is upsetting you about anything, I can deal with is as your boss or your boyfriend."

"I'm just tired. Between cases and spending almost all of my free time with you and Jack I'm just a little worn down and morose. When I am drunk, I giggle, and then I get morose, it's why I've never got drunk around anyone here before."

"You seem to be sobering up some."

"Yes well, I'm not. At least with you here, no one is going to bug me more."

"Why don't we head back to your place then? It's closer, and Jessica has Jack until morning as I don't like to be alone caring for him when I have drunk too much."

"But you haven't drunk too much. I should just go. I can catch a cab home, and you can stay and drink." Spencer successfully got off of Hotch's lap and wiggled out of the booth. He almost made it away from the table, but Hotch's hand closed over his shoulder. Hotch didn't jerk him back or anything, but he stopped him cold. 

"I have never let a single member of this team go home alone, especially taking public transportation, when they are as drunk as you are, Spencer Reid and I am not going to start now just because you are a male. You know the statistics just as well as I do on the instances of the rape of males."

"Are you saying that I can't take care of myself?" Spencer asked his tone harsh and a lot louder than he meant it to be. Spencer didn't know who heard, but he would bet that someone else from the team would be coming over. 

"I am saying that as drunk as you are it wouldn't take much for someone to overpower you and do whatever they liked."

"Who says I am any safer with you?" Spencer didn't know why he said the words, but the look on Hotch's face said it all. 

Spencer didn't fight the hand that pulled him away from Hotch. He didn't even look to see who it was at all. He looked down, and he didn't look up at all. Spencer knew that someone was talking to him and getting his keys out of his pocket before he was pushed to sit down in a car. All he could see was the gutted look on Hotch's face. Spencer couldn't even process what he had done, what he said. He could still feel the alcohol in his system, but he felt sober as hell. 

Being led up to his apartment by an unknown member of the team barely registered. He frowned at himself as he tried to figure out what he could do to salvage the working relationship that he had with Hotch as this was going to tank it. Another bottle of water was pressed into Spencer's hand, and he cracked it open, taking a drink by rote. More words were spoken from the person who brought him home, but he didn't listen at all. 

Spencer heard his door shut and the deadbolt slide home from the outside. Spencer finished off the water and looked around his apartment. He had spent so much time with Hotch over the past five weeks that he hadn't felt like he was even living there. He had several things at Hotch's in the guest room. Books, clothes, his spare glasses, as well as an extra pack of contacts. It felt like during the week, Spencer was visiting his apartment and living with Hotch on the weekends. He didn't know what to feel about it all, and it was why he had lashed out. Spencer had thought that he wouldn't have an issue feeling it all. He wasn't built that way. He didn't depend on anyone. 

Somewhere along the way, Spencer had come to depend on Hotch in some way, and it wasn't good. Not with everything between them. Spencer needed to clear the air, and he needed to do it before he wasn't drunk anymore. He was honest when he was drunk. Spencer found his keys by the door, left there by whoever had taken him home.

Given that the door was locked after, Spencer knew that it was Morgan or JJ. They were the only ones with keys to his place. Though wouldn't have given the keys to Prentiss or Rossi because they had both been pretty wasted themselves. Spencer had no clue who had taken him home. Spencer grabbed another bottle of water and then let himself out of his apartment. 

There was a cab station not far from his place as there were several upstanding bars. Spencer found a cab and gave over Hotch's address quickly. Spencer couldn't let himself into Hotch's house, but he could sit on the stoop and wait for him. 

Thirty-five minutes after Spencer sat down, he felt the rain start. Spencer wasn't under the awning that was on the porch, but he still didn't move. The rain felt good on his overheated body. Spencer hated that feeling, getting overly hot from drinking but he never quite remembered that part until he was on the other side of drinking. 

"Reid?" Hotch called out. 

Spencer looked up from where he had been counting the small indentations on Hotch's steps. Hotch was standing two feet away from Spencer with a very concerned look on his face. 

"Dave said that he and Prentiss dropped you off at your apartment."

"Oh, is that who took me home? They did, but I left there and came here. I need to apologize for what I said and explain why I said it. If you are up for hearing that. I mainly wanted to apologize for saying it to begin with. I know that you don't have to accept it and I'll understand if you don't. I'll also understand if you don't want to listen to my reasoning tonight or for days. What I was said very wrong and hurtful and I am sorry." Spencer inhaled and shivered. He hadn't thought that he had been there that long after the rain and before Hotch came up, but it seemed that he had been. "I'll go home now. You can call me when you are ready to talk."

"You are cold and wet and going to catch your death, Reid. Come inside and at least stay what's left of the night."

"I'm fine." Spencer didn't want to invade where he wasn't welcome. Hotch was too much of a gentleman to ever turn someone away even if he hated them. Hotch reminded Spencer of a southern gentleman that was in those romance novels, who were too good to be true and you thought they should be hiding something awful in fact were just that good. Spencer stood up and hunched in on himself to stop the rain from falling down the back of his neck. Spencer stopped when as he was passing Hotch, Hotch threw out his arm. He didn't grab Spencer like before but instead just blocked his way. Spencer could go around, but the suddenness of it had him almost jumping back and falling on his ass since he was still a little off from the alcohol. 

"Reid, please, stay." Hotch's hand curled and wrapped around Spencer's upper arm. "Don't make me beg."

"Okay." 

Hotch turned Spencer around with the hand on his arm and tucked Spencer into him even though he was soaked. Hotch was warm where Spencer was cold, and he didn't mind that at all. Hotch unlocked the door and ushered Spencer in. There was a mat in front of the door that Spencer had bought for him. It was a good mat for soaking up water and trapping mud. Jack sometimes was very wet and muddy from soccer, and at least Jack could strip off on it before heading further into the house to shower and get into warm clothes. Spencer toed off his shoes and leaned down to set them on the edge of the mat. He almost fell over, and only a hand on Hotch's thigh stopped him. He felt Hotch's hands on his shoulders, so he used them to steady himself as he stood up. Spencer watched Hotch scoot his shoes over to the edge of the mat with one of his feet. Spencer started to work on the buttons of his vest, and he was able to get them all open, but his hands were shaking too much when he started on his shirt. Hotch batted his hands away and worked those open. Spencer took over to get his vest and shirt off. His undershirt was only slightly wet, but at least he wouldn't drip. 

"Your socks are soaked," Hotch pointed out. 

Spencer looked down to see that he was right. Spencer thought about how he was going to get them off when he saw movement. Spencer watched Hotch crouch down and tap on Spencer's right foot. Spencer braced himself on Hotch's shoulder and raised that foot. Gentle but sure hands worked his sock off. When Spencer was settled with both feet on the ground, he shifted to where he was balanced on his other and raised up his left. Hotch didn't stand up though when Spencer let go of him. 

"Pants too," Hotch said. 

"Oh, yeah." Spencer worked on his belt, finding his hands were steady enough at least for that. He unbuttoned his pants and unzipped them. Spencer pushed them down as far as he could without toppling over. Hotch swept them the rest of the way down, and the process of getting them off Spencer's feet was repeated. There was a clothes basket that Hotch tossed them in, and Spencer saw that it was where his vest, shirt, and socks were as well. Spencers shivered even more since he was mostly naked and it was cold in the house. 

"Go up and get in the shower. Leave your things on the floor just beside the door, and I'll snag them and wash them. I'll also find a pair of your pajamas and set them in there." 

"I'll be fine toweling off and getting into bed, hotch. You don't need to make a fuss."

Spencer heard the weary sigh that Hotch let out and he decided that maybe just keeping his mouth shut was best. Spencer wrapped his arms around himself and started to walk to the steps. There was a handrail that went up the steps, so Spencer used it to make sure that he didn't fall. He didn't look back, but he was still pretty sure that Hotch was behind him. 

It felt like it took forever for Spencer to get warm in the shower and he ended up just staying under the water until he stopped shivering because he didn't feel warm at all. He toweled off and took out his contacts before grabbing his glasses. The warmest pair of pajamas that Spencer had was laying on the counter. Spencer put them on and exited the bathroom as quietly as he could. He didn't want to disturb Hotch. Spencer turned off the bedroom light as he entered it. He didn't need it to tell him where he needed to go. Spencer took off his glasses and laid them down on the table beside the bed before getting into the bed. Spencer pulled the blanket up over his head and nestled under the covers. At least this way, Hotch wouldn't keep checking on him to make sure that he was asleep. 

Spencer willed himself to go to sleep as fast as possible. He started to recite Pi as he usually did, but there was something off about the room. It didn't feel like it usually did. Spencer figured it was probably because even though Hotch told him that he wanted there, Spencer didn't think that he did. 

"Reid?" Hotch called out, and it wasn't his soft voice like he was testing to see if Spencer was awake. It was his tone that said that Spencer had a better answer and it wasn't coming from the doorway. It was coming from the window. Hotch was in the room, and Spencer hadn't heard him enter it so either he had been unusually silent, or Spencer had missed that he was in the room when he had entered it. Which would account for the light being on. 

Spencer pulled the cover off of his face and tried to find Hotch in the darkness. With the rain and the clouds, there was no moonlight to help Spencer find him, and the backyard had only motion activated lights, so those were not on. 

"Yes, Hotch?" Spencer asked.

The bed dipped as Hotch sat down on it, just close enough to where Spencer could make out the shape of him between the dark and his own sight issues. 

"You don't like depending on people, and I could have worded what I said differently. I worry about all of you and our track record on getting hurt on the job is pretty good but off the job...we are all hurt more in instances not related to cases than we are concerning cases. I don't ever want to wake up and find that one of you is in the hospital because someone tried to hurt you when you were drunk. I did not mean to say imply that you could not take care of yourself, you've done pretty well at that."

"We've been overselling the relationship. Your idea was sound but...every weekend here has made me feel like I don't know who I am anymore. Everything I make a decision on is based on what you or Jack will think. Should I go ahead and get that third book but then I don't because I'll read the other two before the weekend but that third will be the weekend, and it'll take away from my time with you and him. We might have not been in a relationship, but that hasn't stopped me from actually starting to feel like we are. And already the thought in two weeks of stopping this has me feeling like it's going to hurt."

"That's the alcohol talking, but I think that maybe distance would be good this weekend. I'll text Jessica that I'll pick up Jack and I'll drop you off at your apartment before that. We can do what you said the first time, I'll pick you up from your apartment Monday morning and drive you to work. We can do the whole distance thing, and you'll see that it's nothing but a little bit of transference."

"'Kay," Spencer said, and he was glad that the room was too dark for Hotch to see the look on his face. Spencer realized that he had done something utterly stupid and developed feelings for Hotch that while not love were very much not something he should be feeling for his boss while Hotch was just seeing him as a co-worker. Hotch pulled the blanket up and over Spencer's head again, and the warmth of it was pleasant, but it did nothing to get rid of that coldness that was still in the pit of Spencer's stomach. Spencer wasn't sure that coldness would ever go away. 

# Eight Months Later

Spencer heard the door open, but he didn't move. The chain wasn't on so he hoped that whoever it was on the team would decide that he wasn't home and leave. He wasn't enough for anyone that he wanted. He had not been enough for Hotch, and he hadn't been enough to save Maeve. 

It wasn't until Spencer realized that two sets of feet were moving around that he wondered who had tagged along. Then they were far enough apart that Spencer realized that one was a child. JJ and Henry then. Spencer ducked his head down more into the little alcove that he had made in his living room, and he willed himself to not make a single sound while he breathed. 

The water started to run in the kitchen, and the clatter of dishes into the sink was heard. Spencer wondered if JJ was going to wait him out. Well, Spencer had just finished forcing himself to eat a late breakfast, so he was good for a long while. Spencer listened as JJ washed the dishes and even put them up after she was done. There was silence for a while, and then the sound of his washer started up. She probably stripped the bed and put new sheets and things on. Spencer wondered what Henry was doing because it was unlike the boy to be so quiet. The sound of adult feet walked into the living room area, and the TV was turned on. There was the telltale flipping through channels, and Spencer heard a DVD case being opened. 

"Ninth or Tenth?" Hotch asked. 

"Ninth, please," Jack answered. 

Spencer couldn't breathe. He couldn't think. 

"Do you think he's going to come home with us, Dad?" Jack asked. 

"I don't know. I don't like that he isn't home. JJ and Garcia stopped by, and he didn't answer, but he knocked back that he was alive."

"You didn't go to work today."

"No, I'm going to work from here. I have my laptop and access to files."

"How long are we going to wait?"

"As long as it takes for Spencer to come home. I hope that I know where he is, but I don't want to show up there if he is. It's a very personal thing." 

"Okay, Dad." 

There was silence after that, at least until Doctor Who started up. Spencer knew that he wouldn't be able to stay there for much longer. He already felt like he needed to go pee. Why couldn't it have been JJ? She would have been a lot easier to get rid of. Spencer didn't understand why Hotch was there. They had not been nearly as close in the aftermath of their faked relationship. There was still outings with Jack, but Hotch had pulled back, and so Spencer didn't feel like he could be like he had been before. Hotch had not taken Spencer confession well at all, and Spencer hated that he had been too drunk to keep his mouth shut. Of course, Hotch didn't want to know that his subordinate had feelings for him. 

Spencer had tried to force himself to move on, and he was upset at Maeve's death. He had wanted to love her like it seemed that she loved him, but he hadn't been able to, and that was what had him as upset as he was. He was distraught that he hadn't been able to save her, but it was that more than the actual loss of what they would have, could have been. Curling tighter into himself, Spencer felt the tears wanting to start. He pressed his face hard against his thighs, trying to use the pressure to hold back the tears. He was never enough for anyone. Spencer felt a cold breeze before hands were touching him. Spencer unwrapped his arms from his legs and tried to shove at whoever it was, but his hands were caught. Spencer felt Hotch trying to get into his little alcove with him so he just tightened up as much as he could to make it impossible. 

The hands disappeared from him. Spencer hoped that would mean that they would leave. They weren't wanted there. He had left Hotch's when Hotch didn't want him there anymore, Hotch could at least return the courtesy. 

"Spencer?" Jack called out, and he sounded like he was right there where Hotch was. 

"Go away," Spencer said.

"We can't. You are sad, and you didn't leave me when I was sad after Mommy died. I'm not going to leave you," Jack said, and he sounded serious. 

Spencer felt Jack's body trying to fit into the alcove with Spencer. He was pushing so hard that Spencer was afraid that he was going to hurt himself. Spencer leaned back to make it very plain to Jack that he didn't want him there, but Jack crawled right into his lap and wrapped his arms around Spencer's neck. Spencer remembered sitting with Jack like this only Spencer's leg was supported on a couch while Hotch and Rossi went through all of the things in the house while Spencer and Jessica watched Jack in Hotch's apartment. Jessica was there for anything that they needed, Spencer had been there because Jack hadn't wanted to let him go after spending time with him in the hearing. 

"What if it's what I really, really want?" Spencer whispered. 

"Too bad. We Hotchner men are here to take care of you."

"Is that why your Dad washed my dishes and my bedclothes."

"Actually, that's your clothes. Your bedclothes are next," Hotch said, and Spencer looked up at him. Hotch wasn't quite smiling at him, but there was that fond look on his face that Spencer hadn't seen since that night that Spencer had been drunk. It felt like a stab to Spencer's heart. Spencer's stomach revolted. Something had to show on his face because Aaron plucked Jack from his lap just as Spencer started to get up. 

Spencer made it to the bathroom before he dry heaved. He tried to stop himself but he couldn't. Spencer heard the bathroom door shut, and he felt like an asshole for hoping it was Jack and not his father. When the sink started to run, and the cabinet that was high up opened Spencer knew that it wasn't. A minute later a cold cloth was draped over his neck. 

"Why?" Spencer asked when he was sure he wasn't going to dry heave again.

"Why what?"

"Why are you here?"

"Because you are hurting and Jack is right you were there for us, and you didn't let my growling run you off when we needed you."

"That was before."

"Before what?" Hotch settled in at Spencer side and started to rub Spencer's back. It felt too good and too much. Spencer shuddered, but Hotch's hand didn't leave him. 

"Before the debacle that made you pull away from me. Before I made an idiot of myself and made a pass at you and you turned me down. Before I realized that I was in love with you and lost you." 

"I see." 

"You can go. I'll even tell Jack that I am going to JJ's."

"And would you be lying?" Hotch asked. 

Spencer didn't answer. He knew that was as much an admission as just saying yes but he couldn't like to Hotch.

"That's what I thought." Hotch reached out and forced Spencer to look up at him. Spencer tried to look away but he couldn't. "I was the first one to get to you when you went to Maeve after she was killed. I heard you."

"You heard me?" Spencer asked. He tried to think about what he had said. He couldn't remember saying anything. He had felt numb. 

"You said that you were never enough for anyone. I didn't think much except you started to name who you were not enough for. My heart stopped when I heard my own name. Spencer, I never meant to make you think that you were not enough for me. That I didn't want you because you were lacking in some way. I gave you space after that night, and you never brought it up, so I assumed that it was a drunken pass and nothing more. I didn't bring it up because I didn't want to shame you or make you feel upset about it at all. I didn't realize that you had taken my rejection that way. You are exactly enough for me and exactly what I want."

Spencer opened his mouth to ask Hotch to explain it all a little bit better, but before he could get the first letter out, Hotch was kissing him. Spencer pressed into him and tried to turn it more than the simple press of lips that it was.

"No, Spencer," Aaron whispered when he pulled back. "As much as I want that you are just as compromised as if you were drunk. You are hurting, and no matter what you felt for Maeve, she was someone whose death had affected you, and I want you to have no regrets about anything. This is not a no forever. This is a no for now. Come home with me, please? Let me take care of you. Let me and Jack take of you, and we can work on building back what lost over these last eight months."

"Okay," Spencer whispered back before he turned and buried his face in Hotch's neck and just let himself cry. 

One week later, Spencer was standing in a police station ad he wasn't sure that he should be there. He wasn't ready, but he needed to be there, and Hotch had taught him to trust what he was feeling. He knew that the case was different than the one that JJ and Garcia had come by and checked on him before they went on it. Aaron had stayed behind with Spencer and then when this case had come up, Aaron had gone, leaving Spencer alone for the first time. 

"It's a habit," Spencer said in response to the question asked. Everyone looked at him in shock, but the look in Aaron's eyes said that Aaron was happy to see him. 

"You sure you're ready?" Aaron asked. 

"No, but I think I figured something out." Spencer squeezed Aaron's arm and gave him a smile that told him that he was healing and it was all getting better. The smile that he got back was so beautiful that Spencer wasn't sure that it was going to blind him. That smile was for him and him alone. Aaron would be there for everything for the rest of their lives.

# The End

**Author's Note:**

> I write fanfiction for fun. It's a hobby and a stress relief. I refuse to stress over my writing. What you see is what you get. Errors, plot holes, and all. Thank you for reading my story! 
> 
> I can be found on MeWe (a FB replacement that's better) [here](https://mewe.com/i/beccaqueen1), join me there and we can discuss my fics and whatnot. My writing page for the moment is kind of dead in the water on a FB front as links are being banned for content. 
> 
> The Every Fandom Reverse Bang sign-ups are open! Please check it out [here](https://everyfandombangs.wordpress.com/).


End file.
